To continue with last night’s theme of traipsing through the past (and also because it’s 2:30am and I’m JUST now sitting down to do this), here’s one of my favorite old posts from 2014. At that time, I was going through a lot of much-needed personal growth that helped push beyond some limitations in my business. Today, I’m finding it just as insightful and needed for the journey. So, without further ado….
Everyone, to some extent, is broken. Wouldn’t you agree? None of us are walking around without at least a little damage from past experiences. Whether you got bullied on the playground, teased for being different, berated by a parent or simply just didn’t have enough “atta boys” thrown your way… there’s a good chance you’re still hearing remnants of those voices in your head and adding new ones every day. The worst of all is our own voice which stopped defending us from the negative comments long ago and, instead, now joins in agreement.
The effects of this damage show up in different ways for different people. A feeling of insecurity can translate to timidness in one and abrasiveness in another. The bully puts on a show to distract from the hurt being seen behind the mask while the shy just tries to shrink down and become invisible all together. Some turn themselves into a punchline as if to say, “I’m ok with my flaws”, when really they’re just hoping to point them out and laugh before someone else has a chance to. We become masters at managing our pain–it doesn’t hurt any less, but at least we feel like we’re in control. What a lie we tell ourselves.
You will never find what feels the best if you’re always looking for what hurts the least.
Think about that for a second. How many times does this subconscious mindset color your decision making? Look at today, alone. When you got dressed, did you choose an outfit you love or one that covers the areas you don’t like? Ladies, when you put on makeup, did you do it because you love the way you look with makeup or because you hate the way you look without it? We’re just scratching the surface (literally), but you see where I’m going.
Most of us focus on covering up the negative instead of embracing the positive. We try NOT to fail when we should be trying TO succeed. It’s the equivalent of stepping up to home plate and thinking “don’t strike out” vs “hit a homerun”. If you’re simply trying to not be sent back to the dugout, then you’ll be happy just getting on base, but you might never experience the joy of rounding them all. You won’t fail, but you won’t win.
I challenge you to a one-day project starting right now. Look at your decision making today and ask yourself who is in control. Are YOU choosing based on what will bring you the most joy or is your pain-management leading you down a different path? Challenge yourself to make as many decisions as you can today from a “homerun” mindset. The results might surprise you.