Time Suck

I’ve been sad this week.  The rate at which time is flying by …and the lack of priority I’ve assigned to doing anything special with it… has been smacking me in the face.

My daughter turned 11 today.  ELEVEN!  If you’re a parent, then you totally understand why just about every birthday is a shock.  I mean, yesterday she was 6.  Well, literally, yesterday she was 10, but in my mind…it was a blink of an eye that took 5 years away.  Just stole it right from under my nose while I was working or out with my friends or numbing out behind a phone or tv.  Years of missed opportunities to make memories.  Don’t get me wrong, we have a GREAT time together and have made plenty of memories … but there could never be enough.  Especially when you realize how little time you have to fit them all in.

Also this week, we’ve been watching the final episodes of our latest binge-watch obsession, Parenthood.  Oh.My.Gosh.  Want to realize how fast your parents are getting old?  Watch Season 6 of Parenthood.  For the love.  I have cried every single episode and turn the tv off wishing I had done so many things different to build a better relationship with my parents and grandparents.  It’s not too late for my parents … they live 15 min down the road and would drop everything to spend 5 minutes with us … but my grandparents are all gone.  It is more real than ever that our generations are moving up the ladder of life.  It was such a slow climb when we were young and wishing it would speed up and now, no matter how badly we want it to slow down, it seems to just get faster.

What a bitch time is.  And right now, she’s controlling me.  I think that’s why the culmination of all of this has made me so sad.  It’s hard to feel like you have no control.  Everything in the Universe is trying to point out what needs to change in my life and here I sit.  Acknowledging the need.  Writing about the need.  Getting emotional over the need.  But not stepping into the change.  What’s holding me back?

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