Some days are puppies and unicorns frolicking in a spring field under blue skies with double rainbows. Others are trampled flowers and horse poo in the middle of a rain storm. Most days I find myself somewhere in-between…. like with cute puppies who occasionally have the runs.
Today was one of those in-between days. I spent a total of 5 hours (round trip) in the car with my Mrs for one of her work events. This is a trip we’ve taken twice before and is usually followed with a fun date night out in a new city. I should have known things would go south when my immediate thought post-event was “meh…let’s go do something closer to home”.
You see, we were done early enough to get home at a decent hour and still have date night without the pressure of a 2.5 hour drive looming overhead. But the closer we got to home, the more tired we both got. So tired that I had to stop for coffee just to keep my eyes open (at 5pm…really? What am I, 80?) . She suggested just going home, which is what I really wanted to do, but I knew this was her one chance to fit in her cheat meal for the week.
Sometimes doing something you don’t want to, to make someone else happy is a good thing. Other times, it’s asking for trouble.
I REALLY wanted to go home, but I didn’t share my opinion. Instead, I complained when she didn’t want anything from the one major town we conveniently pass on the way home. And complained even more when she suggested we drive to a favorite spot that would add an additional 40 minutes (one way) onto the already long trip. But, as I already said, I was tired and I was not going home “for her”….but she didn’t know that even though that’s how it was working its way out in my head. Gold star for communication!
I suggested a similar restaurant only 15 minutes away. She really didn’t want to go there, but I wasn’t having the longer drive and she wasn’t flat out saying no to the new place so off we went.
Dinner was awful. I won’t bad mouth the restaurant, but it was so bad that I wish I had driven the extra 40 minutes. Conversation was good though until the end. Apparently tired + 2 drinks (each) = short fuses when discussing hot topics. The conversation became more heated in the car until a stop at the grocery store brought all conversation (for the entire night…apparently) to a halt. So much for date night.
As much as I hate arguing, I hate silence more. When you argue, at least you’re passionate about something and you feel comfortable enough to voice your opinions with each other. When you’re silent (and I’m talking for long periods of time in a relationship….not the kind of silence I’m experiencing right now post-fight) you probably don’t feel like what you have is worth the effort to argue. You’d rather just put your head down and keep it to yourself, avoiding the discomfort that might break an already fragile situation.
I want a love worth fighting over. I don’t invite problems to come knocking on our door, but when they do, I want to care enough that I’m willing to get a little heated in order to protect us from the damage they could cause. I welcome passion. I welcome giving-a-damn.
I don’t have much of a point other than to say – if you fear arguing, consider the alternative. Communication, in all forms, is a step in the right direction.