As if on cue, my house decided to have a complete meltdown on ThursDIY.
I went to bed late last night and set my alarm for 10am knowing I had no child, no plans and no reason NOT to get 8 hours of sleep. That is until my wife woke me up at 6am with the news of our downstairs toilet spewing its contents (and all of yesterday’s contents) onto the floor. Apparently there’s another clog in the main line (this has happened once before) and when the washing machine was ready to drain, instead of going out of the house, it went into the bathroom. This is not the wake up call I ordered.
So downstairs I go and thumb through our older towels to pick out which ones I wouldn’t mind throwing away after they’ve mopped up …well… shit. I throw the towels down and realize I have no gloves in the house so off I go to Publix to buy gloves, Drain0 and a prayer. I return with an arsenal of “urgent” relief products and “completely stuck” products. After 3 bottles emptied into every drain in our house, I took to cleaning up and sanitizing the bathroom mess while the chemicals did their magic. An hour later, I did the hot water flush and….nope. Didn’t fix the problem.
I had plans to see a movie with my mom and daughter so we put the house on hold and enjoyed life for a few. Then on the way home we bought the biggest bottle I could find of “professional strength” whatever and poured 1/2 bottle (it called for 1/8) down the drain. And waited. An hour later I flushed it out, ran the washing machine and …same problem. I repeated with the remaining 1/2 bottle and….damn.
I reallllllly don’t want to call a plumber so tomorrow, it looks like I’ll be going into our crawl space (ugh) and searching for a plumbing trap (double ugh) to see if I can open it (something I’ve never done before) and relieve the issue from there.
It’s times like these I wish I had a ton of money to say “screw it” and call a plumber. It’s not that I DON’T have it available, it’s that I don’t want to be wasteful and lazy and spend money for something I could fix myself. Lord knows a house call alone is an arm and a leg and then whatever the issue is could call for a 2nd mortgage. What happened to the days of “handymen” who were happy to help vs eager to overcharge? I say that as if I’ve ever lived in those days — but that’s how it seems to happen in old movies. Maybe I just don’t know enough Joe Plumbers or Handy Henrys to invite over for help.
I’m not gonna lie, this is a part of “being a man” that I don’t enjoy. At all. I don’t want to crawl under the house and open a pipe full of crap. Will I feel accomplished if I fix the problem? Sure. But is it worth it?
UPDATE: Two days after writing this post, I thought things might have been fixed, but a few showers and flushes proved otherwise. I woke up this morning and headed for our crawl space. I opened the small wooden door on the side of our house and was greeted by the kind of spider web nightmares are made of. I’m man enough to admit I’m a total baby when it comes to spiders, but I can usually power-through the common path-crossings. This was another story. This was Arachnophobia’s spokesweb. I closed the door and called a plumber. Lucky for me, the problem turned out to be something I couldn’t have fixed on my own so I felt better about wimping out. Unlucky for me, the bill was almost $400 to remove the roots that had grown through our pipe in the yard. Oh, happy day! Now we can flush, we just can’t afford the water that goes down the drain.