Please Time

My daughter is growing up and with that comes some changes I’m not ready to face.  She’s noticing boys a LOT more now (and she’s always been a bit boy crazy), she’s more independent and certainly a smidge moodier since the hormones kicked in.  She’s always been my little girl and now she’s, quite literally, a young woman … at 11.  I didn’t think this would come so soon.

I think, as a parent, there are a lot of things you worry about and wish for your kids the second they are born.  You think about their education and their friends.  You hope they’re cool and yet not SO cool that they end up one of the popular kids whose whole life is highschool social hour.  You want them to be confident and know they can do anything, but also humble and loving with a heart that cares for others as much as themselves.  You pray they never get sick, travel safely, don’t do drugs, and on and on and on… But one thing you don’t think about until it happens (or at least I didn’t) was the part where they don’t need you as much anymore.

You feel it when desperate hugs to stay turn into quick pecks on the cheek and a “see ya”.  When what used to make them laugh now results in a raised eyebrow.  It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s part of life.  Luckily, Maddie is an affectionate person, just like me, so I still get lots of cuddles on the couch, hand holding in public and clinging to when she’s tired.  She’s still excited to go on adventures or Maddie/Daddy Dates and nothing makes her happier than when I agree I’ll help her do something she REALLY wants to do.  So right now I’m trying to snatch up as many of those moments as I can and hold onto them with a white-knuckle grip.  Before too long, there will be dates with boys instead of daddy, embarrassed “drop me off at the curbs” and probably a lot of disagreement over what’s best for her.  I’m not ready.  But she isn’t either, just yet.

tiny little curls
on a tiny little girl
blowing in the breeze
trying to take her from me
.
I know she wants to fly

she was made for the sky
but I’ll hold on to her hand
for as long as I can
.
I will never hold her down
or try to keep her on the ground
but please time… be kind
.
it goes by so fast
and feels like a trap
the ticking of the clock
like a bomb waiting to go off
.

when the wind picks up
I can feel it changing us
and fill the sails of a kite
tethered to my whole life
.
I will never hold her down
or try to keep her on the ground
but please time…. be kind
I don’t know how strong I am
I can’t take this like a man
please time .. oh please time be kind
.
tiny little curls
on a tiny little girl
.
I will never hold her down
or try to keep her on the ground
but please time…. oh, be kind
I don’t know how strong I am
can’t take this one like a man
oh, please time…. be kind
.
-JR Arostegui (me)
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