I Am the I Am

Today I saw The Shack with my mom and daughter.  Years ago I read the book and loved it.  My daughter, at the time, was the same age as the girl in the story who gets (spoiler alert) abducted and murdered.  I was torn up reading it and, no surprise, cried through half the movie as well.

Emotions are such a funny thing.  They come up when you least expect them sometimes.  I knew I would be tearful over certain parts of this story, but there were so many things that caught me by surprise as I felt the water works attempting to run.  It made me question what unresolved feelings I have hidden deep inside.  What guilt I’m carrying around that I’ve gotten so used to that I don’t even see it anymore, but somehow still feel it.

It also brought up a lot about my relationship with God and how I wish, as the movie portrays, I could get back to that place of relationship and conversation with the creator and energy force within me.  There was a time I felt really connected and my dialogue was an ongoing one…on purpose…attempting to not just reach out in times of need, but also in times of gratitude and even just simple company during a long drive alone.

In the book/movie, the Holy Trinity are represented as 3 separate individuals with an obvious bond.  For the first time, I felt this understanding and connection of the I AM that is within all of us.  I’ve always believed that when God said we were made in His image that it was referring to the energy which every living thing is made up of.  I’ve always felt like that energy IS God and that’s how He is IN every single thing.  But as they were making introductions in the movie with a bit of a chuckling “I am the I am,” I realized what was being represented by those 3.

“The Father” & “The Son” show how we all come FROM something and is an easily understood example of our physical beings and the relationship between them, while “The Holy Spirit” is something that runs through all of us, connecting us in a non-physical, uncontrollable way.  As a child, the idea of these 3 things all being 1 was confusing.  But now I see how we can possess and come to know these 3 as a cohesive makeup of the God above, within and all around.  And not just God, but us.

There’s a controversial idea that when Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the light,” He was actually referring to the “I am” within all of us.  That the spirit/soul that lives within us, free of our identity and ego, is, in simplest terms, God.  I’m not quite sure why that idea is so controversial when those who believe in God believe He dwells within all of us.  Could we not then argue that if those things which make “us” up were stripped away, then all that would remain is the spirit/soul/energy that dwells within the human shell?  It’s something our brains have such a hard time even thinking about because we can’t see or touch it, but know it’s there.  If that’s not the image of God, I don’t know what is.  I certainly don’t believe He’s up in Heaven walking around with skin and bones.  And if He was, how could He also be inside of me at the same time?!

The Holy Trinity isn’t just who God is, it’s who we all are:  Children (the Son) who could not be here without a creator (the Father) with a spirit and energy inside us (the Holy Spirit).  That’s what I believe …for whatever it’s worth.


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