I’m taking a break from my self-imposed daily topics and just writing whatever the hell I feel like writing because, well, that’s what I want to do and it’s my blog ….dammit!
Today, for instance, I’m supposed to write about home improvement when I haven’t done a damn thing to improve my home other than clean up after myself (for the most part) and not break anything. Ta da! I realize I’m supposed to use this blog to hold me accountable to DOING the things I’m supposed to be writing about, but I’m in a season of “I don’t care” and I’m gonna own that. The alternative is forcing myself to half-ass something and then resenting the entire process …… ending in THE End of this blog and my belief that I can, for once in my life, see something through without losing interest and giving up.
So why am I here? Why do I always seem to find this point in every project? The point of disinterest and duty where, suddenly, what I used to love now feels like something I have to push through? For one, I’m tired. Exhausted actually. I don’t ever get enough sleep and I tend to blog at night so my mind is ready to check out when I’m asking it to be brilliant. I’m bored. Mainly because I haven’t been disciplined with planning activities to blog about, so, I sit down and feel uninspired and, quite frankly, like a bit of a fraud. I don’t like structure. Well, that’s kind of a half truth. I actually love structure when it provides organization and an easy road map to follow. But I hate it when I feel like I’m boxed in and that’s exactly what’s happening here. So many nights I’ve wanted to write about something deep and meaningful that didn’t fit any of the topics I needed to fill. The result: potentially great content never makes it from my head to the screen. Somehow, however, it always seems to make it from my head to my pillow quite easily … and then never return.
So here I am, owning my crazy. I think we all have a little of it in one (or 18) areas of our lives. It’s important not to ignore it or, in my experience, it just creates more crazy. Own it. Acknowledge it. Tip your hat to it and say hello (You gotta stay on crazy’s good side). And then figure out why it’s there and how to fix it. Talking all of this out was part of my “fixing”. Now I know why I’m stuck and where I need to make some changes.
What’s your crazy look like today?