I am fighting to keep this little blog alive. Not alive in the sense that anybody, but me is reading it, but alive in that I’m even writing it. More and more I’m finding myself sitting down to blog and realizing I never did the night before. It’s not for lack of caring, it’s for lack of content. My life is such a void right now. Not void of things, but void of emotion. …and it all started with money.
The second we started having chest-pain-inducing money problems, I put up a wall. A wall that keeps my stress just pinging around inside of me like a bouncy ball with no place to land and keeps the rest of the world out. All of my “feelings” are either buried behind the wall or can’t get beyond it so, translation, there are no feelings. Just numb, faux ignorance that allows me to smile and somewhat mean it. I’m not really unhappy, I’m not truly happy …I’m just in denial.
I know this isn’t working. It’s not a way to live. But it’s my way of getting beyond this right now. Let’s hope a few delayed blog posts are the only victims of my wall.