Here I sit all brokenhearted
Came to blog, but only brain-farted
This seems to be the recurring theme lately. This season of my life has so much to write about and yet I have writers block. Maybe it’s because a lot of the things I should write about, I just don’t want to. They’re either depressing or a little too honest than I’m willing to be at the moment. But there’s a whole other side that’s super happy, fun and full of sun …. and I guess I share that in my family and saturPLAY days, but I don’t tell you about what these fun days do under the surface to my “big picture” thinking.
When you’re having fun in one area and not so much in another, you want to gravitate towards the fun. It’s only natural, right? But this leads to ignoring responsibilities, not putting in work/time where it’s needed in order to improve the not-so-good, and eventually a flat out “I’d rather be…” attitude that colors all the areas in your life. Part of this is good because it means you’ve found something you love and everyone can use more love of life in their ..well, life. But if you only focus on those things and neglect the others, then your life becomes unbalanced and broken. That’s my season.
I’m living in the unbalanced … wanting to be one place while gritting my teeth, sitting in the other. I’ve begun to resent the areas that need work because, by comparison, they don’t seem worth it when they’re not nearly as rewarding as the “fun” stuff. Truth is, though, eventually all the stuff I ignore will begin to bleed over and put a cloud over my sun.
If you can’t pay your bills, then you can’t keep the fun job that doesn’t pay much more than sheer happiness. If you come home and get the cold shoulder from your spouse because they’re feeling like the “not fun” in your life, then eventually they’re not going to let you go have the other fun. If you don’t take care of yourself, physically, then eventually you will become physically impaired in some way, shape or form and unable to perform those things you love …and a whole lot more.
So I guess what I’m getting at is that in 200 days of blogging (yay me), I’ve uncovered a lot of light and a lot of darkness. I’ve also realized that I tend to ignore the dark and focus just on the light. Let’s hope the next 200 days finds me creating a little more balance and bringing the light into the darkness vs trying to get rid of the darkness by pretending it’s not there.